Showing posts with label dating. Show all posts
Showing posts with label dating. Show all posts

The Obligation We Have To A New Generation.

I am no stranger to the world of online dating - in fact, many people would call me an expert in this particular pastime. I understand that the internet allows people to be braver and bolder than they would in real life, but the way that some people go about trying to get people’s attention will always baffle me.

When you get to my age (over the hill) I think you have to almost expect that potential partners will have a past/baggage/children. Dating someone with children has never been an issue to me, maybe because to extent I am a big kid myself :) I have dated people with children in the past and whilst the relationships haven't worked out (massive understatement) that has never been because of the children involved.

What I am not liking is the trend of men (I am not saying all, just speaking in general terms here) who have on their dating profile that they have a daughter who they adore/love/cherish/have made their world and message you to come to your house for casual sex within 15 minutes of exchanging your first message.

I had a conversation like this with a man a few weeks ago and I asked him how he would feel if his (when she is grown up) daughter met men she knew for all of 10 minutes on a dating site and invited them to his house. Understandably he said he wouldn’t be very happy with this and would want her to act differently - I told him, I imagined that my dad had the same wishes for me.

In the end I ended up ranting at him, I know it's unusual. I told him that whatever happened, he she teach his beautiful daughter that the world is a big, bad place full of men (like him!) who will want to use her for her body, come to her house and then never see her again. I told him that he needed to teach his daughter that she is WORTHY of her place in this world and that however bad things seemed, she never, ever needed to invite a stranger into her house in order to feel loved or wanted. I asked him to teach her that if she does meet a man it is because she WANTS to and not because some random man on a dating website has messaged her to invite himself round...

In the end, he agreed with me - but I can guarantee that he went on to send the same copy and paste message to another girl on the site. I can only assume this 'send as many messages as possible to meet a girl for sex today' approach works because guys don't seem to change their tactics.

I don't have children, I more than likely never will, but if I did I would tell them that they are beautiful and worthy and never need to compromise who they are in order to feel loved.

I read a piece on Tumblr this week about how to talk about your body in front of your children. As a weight obsessed generation we are talking more and more in hated about our bodies - but if your daughter hears that your thighs are too fat or your son hears your husband talking about how his muscles aren’t big enough, then your children will grow up thinking these same things about their bodies. I am not by any stretch of the imagination an expert on this subject, but if you have children, do you want them to have the same hatred and misconceptions about their body as you do yours? 

I found this on Tumblr, I do not own the copyright. Borrowed with thanks.
Let's create a generation of men and women who know what it means to love their body and to not have to message hundreds of girls online in order to meet just one of them for meaningless sex. I am sure that things like this have always happened in varying forms, but if we teach our daughters that they are worthy of love from a man who offers more than to come to their home, love them once and leave then we'll be half way there.

Am I The Only One Left Confused By Online Dating?

I know, two blogs in one day can be over the top, but when inspiration hits me - I just have to type!

Anyone who knows me will tell you I have a chequered past when it comes to dating. I am, what you would call an online date. I am on and have been on different dating websites in the vain attempt to meet my Mr Right, or at least someone who wants to take me out for dinner!

And then, I have afternoons like today where I have conversations like this and I am left wondering if online dating is the way forward.

Conversation One

Him - Love a bit of bounce
Me - k
Him - You like skinny boys?
Me - I like polite boys, which actually rules you out
Him - What have I said that isn't polite? Please don't rule me out
Me - 'Love a bit of bounce" Would you say that as the 1st thing you said to someone in a club
Him - Probably
Me - I'm not your type anyway, so let's just leave it as that.
Him - Why are you not my type? I really fancy you
Me - (I quote from his profile" "Would prefer someone who keeps in shape but not so much that they have big muscles. No whales, sorry. I like to weigh more than the girl I am seeing"
Him - That's just a joke. You are very much my type, I like them big
Me - You referred to girls as whales just to make a joke? That makes you not my type. Happy fishing.
Him - you look fun but you seem like you take yourself a bit seriously. Don't know why you're being grouchy. Give me a chance and let me take you out
Me - No.
Him - I haven't been rude to you, your acting like I've done something awful. I'm here to find a relationship
Me - You referred to girls bigger than you as a whale, I'm not interested in anyone who refers to fat women in this way.
Him - Can I send you some flowers to say sorry?
Me - No.
(More mindless conversation....)
Him -  I'm a nice person. You're hurting my feelings a bit
Me - Boo Hoo Hoo
Him - What size are those boobatrons?
Me - Whale sized.
Him - I don't care about peoples size. I just want someone to cuddle
Me - If you don't care about peoples size then you shouldn't mention on you profile that you don't want to date a specific type of person and use derogatory term to get your point across.

I'm still not sure what this 'man' wants... whether he's trying to be amusing or he's just not very clever? All I know is that this unorthodox approach to messaging girls on dating websites doesn't seem to be exclusive to him!

Borrowed from :)

Conversation two today:

Him - I'm a big lad, not many can handle it
Me - I'm here to date not talk about the size of your penis
Him - Liar.
Me - Nope.
Him - You know you wanna date a toyboy hung like a horse
Me - Nope. I want to date a decent guy who is nice and fun to be with.

Why, Oh Why?

Sadly, these two men are not alone - and I know that many females reading this will be nodding with acknowledgement that they have had similar messages or conversations (Guys... Is it the same for you? Are us women just as odd?).

I don't know when it became acceptable to ask a woman's bust size, or how much she weighs when messaging her. I don't understand why people who message others on dating websites don't use the same rules for conversation making as they would in real life. You probably wouldn't ask a girl what size bra she wears before asking her how she is in a club, so why should a message on a dating website be any different?

I'd love to hear your dating experiences!

Debz x