Sociopathy, or antisocial personality disorder (ASPD), is a disorder that affects a person’s ability to empathise. People with ASPD are often described as having no empathy for others and little moral regard for right or wrong. Somebody showing signs of sociopathy may manipulate others to get what they want, and even show delight in other people’s suffering.
As you might imagine, trying to have an intimate relationship with a sociopath is not easy, and can often lead to unhappiness for both partners. With this in mind, let’s take a look at some telltale signs of sociopathy so that you can identify any red flags.
They’re charming at first
Often, sociopaths have a massive amount of self-confidence.. As a result, when you first meet somebody with ASPD, they may appear incredibly charming and charismatic. However, you will soon come to learn that this self-confidence is actually arrogance and self-absorption, which may lead to you being treated as ‘second best’ in the relationship.
They’re quick to accelerate the relationship
If you’ve only been seeing each other for a matter of weeks but your partner is already talking about your future together, this could be a sign of ASPD. It might seem like a positive thing that they’re telling you how much they love you and how they want to spend the rest of their lives with you, however, there is often an ulterior motive. In fact, your partner might be manipulating you. Giving you a false sense of security might be a ploy to make you dependent on them so that they can use it to their advantage later down the line.
They’re not always upfront about what they’re thinking
Although a sociopath might be quick in declaring their undying love for you, they will most likely keep their true feelings to themselves. It is often the case that they believe honesty is a weakness, and that being vulnerable and truly intimate with someone else will only show a chink in their armour. As you can imagine, this type of behaviour does not work well in relationships and can only lead to a breakdown in trust as soon as you catch onto it.
They’re quick to put the blame on you
If things are going south or they’re not getting what they want, a sociopath will often turn to guilt trips. Sociopaths are often very intelligent when it comes to reading other people’s emotions, so it won’t take them long to figure out how to pull on your heartstrings to manipulate a situation in their favour.
They’re impulsive
Although sociopaths can be very calculated, they’re also very impulsive and will do things without thinking. This can be anything from changing plans to ending the relationship altogether without giving a second thought. In addition, they can often have addictive personalities, which can manifest in drug and alcohol abuse, leading to further breakdowns in a relationship.
Their pleasure comes from the misfortune of others
While watching someone slip on a banana peel in the old Charlie Chaplin style can be mildly amusing, sociopaths often take great pleasure in seeing someone else suffer, whether someone loses their job or gets physically hurt. Sociopaths enjoy the misfortunes of others as it feeds their sense of superiority. So, if you receive mockery from your partner when you feel you deserve empathy, it could be a clear sign that your partner is a sociopath.
They’re abusive
Be it physical, mental or emotional, sociopaths tend to be abusive towards others, particularly when it comes to relationships – and they don’t question the consequences. If you’re wondering whether your partner is a sociopath, you might be able to tell by the way they react to conflict. While most people might judge their reaction based on the situation, a sociopath might fly off the handle at the slightest incident.
They’re compulsive liars
You’ve probably already guessed it, but sociopaths are compulsive liars who will tell you anything so long as it serves their needs. Unfortunately, their ability to lie often knows no bounds, and they may lie about absolutely anything. Often, sociopaths will tell lies about where they’ve been or what their intentions are to keep you constantly guessing. While this sort of behaviour might suit an international spy, it is not the type of behaviour you want in a partner. Dishonesty is like cyanide to a relationship, so if your partner is constantly lying, it’s about time you take action and either address it or walk away.
They’re loners
As you might imagine, sociopaths aren’t particularly successful when it comes to building lasting friendships. So, if you notice your partner doesn’t have much of a social life, it could be a clear sign that they’re a sociopath. Much like relationships, friendships are built on trust, so while sociopaths might have a few acquaintances, it’s unlikely they will be particularly close to many people if they are being consistently dishonest.
They’re resistant to change
No matter how much you try and no matter how many times you show them the error of their ways, a sociopath will never believe they’re wrong. As a result, they will constantly refuse to change their behaviour. If this is the case in your relationship, for your own sake, it’s probably time to move on.
What do you do if your partner is a sociopath?
Unless you’re willing to live with someone who will constantly lie to you and manipulate you in order to get what they want, there is little you as an individual can do when it comes to dating a sociopath. Unfortunately, there is nothing that can instantaneously get rid of sociopathic behaviour, but certain therapies can help to eliminate sociopathic tendencies.
Sociopaths can be very clever when manipulating other people, so you definitely shouldn’t blame yourself for starting the relationship in the first place. The most important thing is that you do what’s right for your mental and emotional well being.
About the Author: Amy Launder is an intersubjective psychotherapist with The Awareness Centre, offering counselling and psychotherapy services. Amy works with a variety of clients covering issues including low self-esteem, abuse, anxiety and depression.
Debz Louise is a plus-size blogger based in Yorkshire. Behind many nationwide campaigns such as #WeaAreTheThey & winner of Best Blogger at the UK Plus Size Awards, she talkas about life as a plus-size 40-something woman in South Yorkshire.
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