Matters in a New Relationship – Have you just met someone new? It’s likely that your heartbeat quickens when their name pops up on your phone. You feel the chaotic rush of wanting to impress, along with that tiny knot of uncertainty (‘Will this go somewhere?’). It’s early days, and chemistry is at its peak. But the reality is that it’s the low-key things (frank conversations on late-night buses, talking openly about sexual health) that will decide the relationship’s direction. Here are some small things that you can do or talk about to lay a solid foundation – so the connection grows instead of fizzling out.
What Really Matters in a New Relationship
Talk honestly, even when it’s awkward
Communicating openly doesn’t mean unloading your life story in some dramatic manner. It could just be admitting that you get quiet when you’re nervous or asking how they like to resolve disagreements. Bring up more serious topics without interrogating. For example, you could ask, ‘How do you feel about taking things at a pace that feels right for both of us?’ Knowing how to ask the right questions and how to have a truly intimate conversation shows that you’re curious about who they really are, not just the polished version you see on formal dates.
Don’t skip the health talk
Talking about sexual health early is a sign of respect, not suspicion. It also avoids assumptions that lead to misunderstandings. Keep conversations simple (for example, ‘When did you last get tested?’) to set a tone of mutual care. Don’t be afraid to take the initiative by, for example, ordering a discreet chlamydia test online, as it shows you’re thinking about both your wellbeing and your partner’s.
Pay attention to how you feel (not just what they say)
Don’t ignore emotional clues. Do you feel safe with this person? They might compliment you profusely or hint at future plans (‘When we go on holiday next summer …’), but your body will deliver a more accurate report. Do you feel calmer when they walk into the room? How do they get defensive or withdrawn when you express a need? These subtle and not-so-subtle cues tell you more than any dramatic date-night promises.
Take your time and build slowly, not perfectly
Honesty and consistency are much more important than perfection in the early days of a relationship (though the heady rush might make it feel like it’s perfect). The most promising beginnings inevitably include awkward texts, misinterpretations, and moments where you both get things slightly wrong. Don’t dwell on these slight missteps. What really matters is repairing any hurt feelings gently, apologising sincerely, and showing up with curiosity.
Build a healthy relationship from day one
In the early days, focus on finding out whether you and this person can build something steady, kind and real. Through honest conversations, candid health talks, and trusting your emotional cues, you create the conditions for a grounded relationship that can last long after the initial excitement fades.
Debz Louise is a plus-size blogger based in Yorkshire. Behind many nationwide campaigns such as #WeaAreTheThey & winner of Best Blogger at the UK Plus Size Awards, she talkas about life as a plus-size 40-something woman in South Yorkshire.
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