This weekend I had to witness some wicked comments on Facebook which got me thinking! I won’t link to the page they were on, or reference them too much as I really do not want to give it anymore promotion than it needs.
On a BBW Facebook page, someone posted a photo of a lady in a BBW night club in a tight, short dress. The larger lady was showing some flesh, but radiated confidence. I should point out that the lady was NOT looking at the camera and as far as I can tell doesnt know the photo was taken, let alone posted by someone else on a Facebook group – which itself upset me!
However, it was actually the comments on this page that upset me the most! Ladies were SO quick to knock this other lady down. Comments about how trashy she looked, how her outfit was ‘so wrong’ and how she should have some self respect and wear something else. People were commenting that her outfit was inappropriate and that she should not go out in public like that, because it is not what people want to see!
My comments about how we dont dress for other people and how we should stand together as one fell on mostly deaf ears – and what a shame that is! Not only do I feel that we should all respect eachother anyway, but as a BBW group I found it upsetting that larger ladies would put down someone larger for wearing what they want.
Yes, the dress with tight and short. Yes, she showed off some flesh. Yes, it might not be something would I would wear – but who cares what they lady wears! What she does with her life and what her clothing choices, make no difference to me and my day! This lady was at a BBW night club, not a shopping trip to Asda, so let her wear what she wants to I say!
And then today – I posted this photo on Instagram!
I know, a photo of me in a pretty dress is not unusual, so you wouldn’t think it would be such a big deal, but i think you’ll see from these screen grabs that not everyone agrees! (I would usually block out a name, but seeing as these comments were made on a public forum (Instagram) and can be seen my anyone (my Instagram isn’t private) I have chosen not to)
I have no problem at all with this lady and her life style choices, I don’t even care if she looks at me and thinks I am disgusting – but what scares me is how quick she is to comment on a photo of someone she doesn’t know just to try and bash them down?
The world is a big, bad scary place. The media tell us all the time that we’re not good enough, that we should lose a dress size in two weeks or that we should get a bikini body for summer. All of this is thrown in our faces almost unavoidably – and I don’t care, I am happy in my skin and I don’t want to change. But why do ladies like the one above feel that they can comment on me and my lifestyle? Even if she doesn’t understand me and my choices, I am just a stranger to her – what do I matter?
Debz xx
Debz Louise is a plus-size blogger based in Yorkshire. Behind many nationwide campaigns such as #WeaAreTheThey & winner of Best Blogger at the UK Plus Size Awards, she talkas about life as a plus-size 40-something woman in South Yorkshire.
Ignoring the whole fat/health/skinny debate.
I actually don't understand why someone who tries to portray themselves as the whole I'm such a super, happy 'health aficionado' is spending time trying to make you feel bad for being fat. I honestly can't imagine that person is happy if they are doing shit like that.
Do you fat women even realize how fucking ugly you are? I mean I almost vommitted looking at your picture, you fat ass.
LOSE SOME FUCKING WEIGHT, YOU DISGUSTING FAT COW!!!!!!!!!
Its not her that's need to lose something its you! Your disgusting personality. I hope your friends and family know that you anonymously attack people on the internet, they must be SO PROUD.
it really makes me laugh how small minded people like you really are… if people are happy with the way they live their life who are you to say otherwise!? I no for a fact your life isn't perfect, should people call you out on that and make you feel bad? no didn't think so, so why do it to others? you must really think a lot of yourself to think your input has any affect on anyone's life its just makes you look small minded and pathetic and you clearly have a lot of growing up to do so instead of trying to put everyone else down on their life why don't you go think about how you can improve your meaningless life and then maybe think about growing up and stop acting so childish and why your at it maybe you can also grow some balls and not be anonymous commenting nothing but bullshit on how overweight people look disgusting.. I'm only 18 and quite frankly I think I speak more sense than you… that says a lot, just thought id let you no you wasted your time thinking your input would affect anyone (y)
I think you handled the situation perfectly! The 'DONT YOU REALISE FAT IS UNHEALTHY?' brigade always make me laugh, their faux-concern is their way of masking the fact that they're being really horribly rude to someone. People who try to put others down are not good people and they never will be no matter how much they brag about their stupid 'juices' and their super healthy lifestyles, I'm happy being fat and accepting of everyone because I know I am a good person. When you think about it being healthy isn't just about what you eat and what exercise you do its having an all encompassing GOOD lifestyle and if you're hating on other people that isn't healthy either 😉
WOW. I'm amazed at how calmly you handled that. You must already take pride in having a positive body image but you should also take pride in knowing you are inspirational in how you deal with bad situations/people with incredible patience and coolness. I would have started being sarcastic from the first comment onward, and resorted to abuses in the end. Body-bashers are not the only people who have a lot to learn from you, even people like me who aren't body bashers but incredibly short-tempered at dealing with such people should learn your grace and dignity.
P.S. I am excessively thin and always told I am too unhealthy and should eat more and look ugly etc, even from friends and family. I've even been told by a very good friend in a changing room to cover up my body quickly because it was so pencil-like that it made her uncomfortable to even look at it. My dad grabbed my neck and shoved me in front of a mirror and told me to look at how excessively thin I was. In a way I feel it is easier to deal with such outright rudeness as demonstrated by this Instagram woman than it is to deal with the "concern" of my well-meaning friends and family who think thin-bashing is perfectly legit in the name of health! Just felt like sharing that with you coz I thought you'd understand – people generally don't. Sorry for the rant!
Thanks SO much for lovely comment!
You are so right, prejudice about body types is not exclusive to fat people – I am sorry you have experienced that! Hold your head up high and know that ALL bodies are good and you are perfectly fine, just the way you are!
Thanks again
xx